Life's what happens to you while you're busy making other plans: Today, and many days, I'm so grateful that the world hatched John Lennon. When he died, I was three, going on four. Today, I'm 38, going on 39 - almost as old as he was when he was killed. We barely overlapped, but so many of his songs are so deeply embedded in the soundtrack of my life. Whenever I hit a hard patch - particularly the hard patch that comes from the road getting long, I turn to Watching the Wheels. I really love to watch them roll. It scares me and makes me feel sad and hollow in the core of my gut to think that he died the way he did, and also that literally nothing has gotten better about gun violence in the last 35 years. In a heartbreaking irony, he's probably the one person who could write the words that would make all of this ache a little less. But aside from the tragedy - I'm so deeply glad, and truly grateful that he lived. I'm grateful that he matters enough to miss, even though I never really knew the world with him in it. I'm grateful for his ideas, and his weirdness, and his music. Shine on, John Lennon.
I love that it's a warm winter, and it scares the crap outta me. It's ten days before my birthday. The sense memories I have of my birthday for my whole life are of winter coats, chilly air, and Christmas lights in the snow. It's a warm winter in Washington so far. The air feels more like it should in mid-March...where the temps get into the 50's and even kiss 60 sometimes, and the breeze doesn't have a cold bite to it. It's a scary sign of the state of climate change. And - all that said, there's definitely a silver lining...it's been beautiful, and sunny and gentle. I can wear a light jacket or vest, and flounce about with abandon. I turned off my furnace and air conditioner, and am just letting my house settle it's old bones into the temperate air around us. I'm grateful for the good part. Or maybe I'm grateful that (at least for now), there is a good part.
Freud would have a lot to say about this. Dr. Wiseguy is my long time therapist, counselor, touch stone, and maybe even friend. I've seen him in good times and in bad for more than a decade, that saw the break up of important relationships, my parents divorce, changing jobs, ball cancer, and also some triumphs along the way. I call him Wiseguy because his last name is Weissman, but also because I really do believe he is wise. He's calm, and insightful, and I think he gets me. But also, a friend of his from back in the day posted this picture of him from the 80's (he's the one with the beard and the bangin pecs), and he was hot as hell back in the day. I'm grateful for Dr. Wiseguy, and I'm also grateful that being gay means you can have a therapist who looked like this and think it's totally hot and not be tied in knots about it (unless getting tied in knots is your thing, in which case Dr. Wiseguy would say as long as you're being safe, you should totally get tied in those knots). Also, it's probably weird that I'm Facebook friends with my therapist, but I'm kinda grateful for that too, because I like it when stuff like this pops up, and I'm also always tickled when he likes something on my wall - it makes me feel validated by a professional and a friend.
It is pretty easy to get angry at the world right now. Donald Trump and others with this whole anti-Islam thing and hating on Muslims, but I'm lucky enough to live in a community with people who support a broad range of pluralist beliefs. I was thinking about my first interaction with the Islamic faith last night and remembered it was my first mixed gender birthday party in the 6th grade. One of my best friends all through high school was a Muslim woman and Ms. South Dakota when I was in Junior High was a Muslim woman of Egyptian-American heritage. In South Dakota. I'm also hugely thankful for so many people in my life who happen to have had family, or who are active participants in the Islamic faith. From Bosnians, to Kurds, to Iraqis, to individuals who have committed to the faith here in the United States, to Lebanese and Turkish Immigrants, my life is hugely richer, directly, because of hundreds of Muslim men and women. I'm thankful for all of them!
I'm thankful for friends who are working hard to cut through the bullshit. I think we're all sitting here at the moment wondering if this is going to erupt into something like Nazi Germany in the 30s, all not really believing this could happen--but I think all ready to fight against that sort of evil and idiocy if it comes to that. I'm thankful for friends who believe in the principals of this country.
I'm also thankful I get to go out to the desert this week. The baby is expected to come in late January and I'm headed down to SoCal for my last work trip for a while and extending for a weekend out in Joshua Tree. Its a magical place and was my first big climbing trip about a year after I started climbing. My friend Chris, Robert and I went a couple years in a row, then nothing. Now, just Chris, and a few new friends since then, including another guy named Chris, are heading down there. That place is magical.
Monday, December 7, 2015
Gratitude Yeti: So Mark is crushing me on this jubilation thing, but really, am I competing with someone now to out yell about all that's amazing in the world?
Fantastic weekend here of really fabulous things from friends in town who I don't get to see often enough, to those same friends meeting Makenzie for the first time--and both Suz and Mak being preggers! So cute to watch them try and hug. We had amazing showers for our little lady set to join us in later January, saw the movie Creed, which is incredible, set up for a franchise of movies that will make Michael B. Jordan one of the icons of the next 10 or 20 years like Sly Stallone, who does perhaps his best acting, was for my generation. Do kids hang up movie posters anymore? Also, I think Michael B. Jordan may have dethroned Denzel Washington as the hottest man in America.
Also this Monday morning, a reminder from the field of Veterinarian Science that we really do have the tools and knowledge to make the world a better place--we just need to focus our resources there vs. the enrichment of a few.
I'm also super stoked to see snow falling in California and the PNW who have had the worst of the last couple of ski seasons. Now I'm hoping for way more snow in Utah. Come on storms!
On Sunday I got out with a friend to do an uphill lap at Brighton Ski Resort and also got to see another good friend and a group of fellows he skis with who skied a vertical mile--that's four laps up and down the tallest point at the resort. I hung with them for all of about 30 yards--but they inspire me to know I can do more and are all supportive of at least getting out. I love people who are stoked that you're out there and never judge on how awesome you are--just that you are.
The best things are always bittersweet: Breaking up with Adam right at the onset of fall and winter cozy season has not been without it's indignities and sadnesses. But, eight weeks later, there are also clear signs of new life. Friday night at happy hour, it was fun to make eyes with, and then chat a bit with the cute Irish guy. He's too young and not right for me in a few ways, but still - it was flirty and fun, and kissing on boys has long been a favorite past time.
Making Merry IN THE FACE: In this season of being a gay in DC, there are always so. many. holiday parties. It's the height of First World Problems to complain about a glut of invitations - but also, three in one night is a lot. Saturday night was fun, and decadent and overflowing with good people and drinks and food and swirling. Abigail and Jan's baby shower was cozy and lovely, the way their events always are. Michael and Steve's party was full of good people that I love and don't see enough of, and I could've spent the whole night there in that space, except then it was time to go to Jeff White's annual Christmas Party, which is it's own special brand of olive ball goodness. It was a nice night, and a reminder of why I'm lucky to be here in this city with these people who are so dear. And, like a meal that's a little too rich, where you eat just a little too much, I'm glad that most of my life isn't so densely packed, and am happy to invite a couple days of quiet to cleanse the pallet.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: Midday on Sunday, I rolled into my acupuncture appointment with my gym bag on my shoulder, planning a post-needle work out. But, when I sat down, Courtney - my sage hippie purveyor of professional pokery - listened to my pulse and said, 'you just seem totally wiped out." And then I had a fantastic acupuncture nap, came straight home to rest and lean into my couch for the afternoon. There's so much that I should be doing - volunteering, and seeing friends, and finding ways to make the world a better place - but the truth is, all I wanted yesterday was a day of rest, and I'm grateful to have had it.
Owen & Ryan: Except that Sunday night dinner with Owen and Ryan was lovely and homey. I'm grateful for friends who are also family.
Sweet, merciful Lord, I'm grateful for Fridays in general, and this current job where I have every other Friday off, and this particular Friday morning where I'm laying in bed after a long week, taking time to be grateful. All of those things.
Zinnia is the second name of the first woman who gave me acupuncture. I went to her for several years in DC for wellness, insomnia, allergies and whatever ailed me. Having found her through the BCBS website, she was listed as "Constance," but when I called and asked for Constance, she said, "Yes, well, I changed it to Zinnia, the way we all do sometimes." What? Going to Zinnia for acupuncture always had the feeling of escaping an urban oasis. Her house was up in Cleveland Park, which was just outside my usual neighborhood, on a tree lined street. She's an artist, and creator, and unapologetically lets her freak flag fly. Last year, she moved to Spain to live near her son and his family, and I miss her in my life. This week, yesterday, she sent around a video poem that is just so her, about leaving her home in DC, and creating a new one in Spain. It reminded me of what it was like to be in her care, and if I could find a way to download it and loop it, I'd probably go to sleep to it everynight (for a bit). I'm grateful for her, for her particular creativity, and for the internet that sometimes delivers people unexpectedly into your inbox when you least expect them.
Every single night this week, when I've come home to my house glowing with Christmas lights, it has made me melt. I freaking love them.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Gratitude Yeti: I'm Thankful for the West
Filling in the jubilations today at the end of the day, vs. the start, but it lets me walk away from the day feeling, and seeing the good today. I'm thankful for living out in the West right now. For being on the high desert next to the Wasatch and dreaming about more ski dreams and wandering round these canyons and deserts and mountains. Ryan Bingam's Poet, as dark as it is, has me in a pretty damn good mood.
I'm also super thankful that earlier this year I got to go back to Angola for a project I'm calling #makeadeventurenotwar. It is, I imagine a certain sort of cliche in that the big bearded white guy in plaid heads back off to Angola to climb instead of kick land mines out of the door--but if that's cliche, that's my life and I got to go back. I got to climb with Alex Honnold. It was hard but looking back at it, it was awesome. I hope everyone is lucky enough to have some crazy fun adventures in life.
Last night my buddy Devin, who lives up in Montana came down for some sort of car issue that needed to be addressed in SLC, so I got to hang out with him for dinner and breakfast. I didn't ski, because he doesn't ski and normally I would have skied because its the most fun thing on earth, but the older you get I guess the more you recognize that you need to have friends all the time, not just on a powder day. So thanks for visiting buddy!
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Gratitude Yeti: I'm thankful that I wasn't all that plugged in over the Thanksgiving holiday to sit down and write a blog! While I did somewhat neurotically check my phone during the Ole Miss / Mississippi State game on Saturday night, for the most part, I hung out with friends and family down in Phoenix.
I'm thankful my parents, who recently moved from rural South Dakota to even more rural West Virginia, were able to make the trip and we got out into the desert for a couple of hours to poke around and talk to cacti. There's something about those huge saguaro cacti that make me feel like they each have individual personalities and if you stood there long enough, you'd eventually start to have a conversation. I said as much to my Dad and we got to talking about Snoopy's cousin Spike, and we both wondered if Spike had been in the war and moved out to the desert to just be in nature, because I get that. Peanuts is a very complex and deep cartoon sometimes.
I'm also pretty stoked its winter. I want to say I'm sad there's not more snow, but I'll focus instead on the fact that we've got snow and I plan on heading up to ski tonight in the Canyons. Which is awesome...because SKI rhymes with WHEE!
