Mark: Sunday, Nov 29th. Old enough to know better, but....

• When an otherwise ordinary evening turns into Saturday Night: Last night, after a few bars and different sets of friends and perhaps a few bourbons, Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is You," came on. The entire room lit up like a big gay chorus.  It was Saturday night on the town, after a coupla days with my mom - and everything was shiny and fun.  Gay people - let it be known - are sometimes, a blast.  One of those times, is definitely when an entire room of them bursts spontaneously into song.  God save the queens.  That was so fun.  There was also something about the bar that felt like a Christmas episode of Saturday Night Live.  The holiday decorations were out, and twinkling and it felt urban and dark and happy with a tinge of bittersweetness.  (It's possible I'm just a sucker for Christmas, and I'm fine with that).

• Another Thanksgiving:  Once again, my mom came for Thanksgiving.  Missy and Sean had us over, along with Jen and Kenton.  It was actually, a pretty great holiday.  Given how complicated Thanksgiving with my mom can be, I'm grateful for that...and particularly for friends who are smart and fun and generally act as wind in the sales.

• Christmas Lights: There's a lot about Christmas that feels plastic and consumer driven.  But, I have a particular soft spot for Christmas Lights.  I love that at the darkest time of the year, people put lights on the front of their houses.  It's a sign of hope, and happiness and in some cases even community.  Yesterday, for the first time, I put lights on the front of my Harvard street house, and it was a joy to come home to last night.

Thanksgiving: Stevie Nicks, songs of gratitude and jubilation

Today, and all days really, I'm grateful for Stevie Nicks who is often - in her own way - a swirling, glittering gypsy muse of gratitude and jubilation.


For What it's Worth - I got to sing, I got to dance, I got to be a part of a great romance...what you did was you saved my life.  For what it's worth, I won't forget it.

Landslide: Oh mirror in the sky what is love? Can the child in my heart rise above?  Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?  I don't know.  Well, I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you.  But, time makes you older, children get older.  I'm getting older too...(ok, so this song may not explicitly be about jubilation and gratitude - but I think there are undertones of it. There's a lot of stuff in a landslide).

Don't Stop: This song is all jubilation about the times to come and boldly, joyously, and raucously charging into the future.  Hard not to be grateful for that.

Space and the Gratitude Yeti

Thanks to Mark for giving me the nickname the Gratitude Yeti. Its a great way to wake up and read something like that and I feel like it would make a great costume / trippy movie.

Yesterday my good friend DJ texted to tell me if I wanted to see him and his wife, and meet his gorgeous little boy Dakota (DJ and I are both from South Dakota) I needed to pick him up at the airport and drive him to his sister's, so of course I said yes. I'm thankful for the interstitial space that life happens in. We always think its going to be these huge things and big adventures that make life--and for me I'm lucky to do those things and they are awesome, but its also the stolen hour or 30 minutes of giving your friends a ride, and then sitting on the couch and laughing with their little fellow on your lap, that really makes life.

Second up for me today is an incredibly beautiful film I found yesterday because I get to know incredibly beautiful people who watch this sort of thing and then share it. Yesterday was a rough day, this made the day infinitely better.

Evidently Blogger only likes YouTube videos, so please do click on this sweet Vimeo Link of the movie 'Space' https://vimeo.com/146782320

Third, I'm thankful that I have friends and colleagues who hurt so much when the world goes haywire. They feel the pain of others, they don't grow cynical, and they work to find a better way through. I'm glad for that and it makes me a better person.

Mark: Wednesday, November 25, 2015 (the day before Thanksgiving)

• The Yetti of Gratitude (or the Grateful Yetti?): As Stacy wrote yesterday, it's a new day on the Book of Jubilations, and I'm super excited about it.  Stacy is my friend who is maybe most fiercely focused on changing the world each day -- getting veterans and others outside to get healthy and be the good.  He's also seven feet tall, and occasionally lifts me off the ground when hugging me like a rag doll, which is a delight.  He's got great taste in music, women, and many other things - and is maybe the perfect person to start expanding this little writing project with, which I'm super excited about.  I'm pretty sure we're going to take the world by grateful storm.

• Dewey Like the Morn:  After waking up several of the last few days with a sore throat, and feeling generally creaky each morning - last night, I pulled my humidifier out from the back of the closet and fired the old gurl up.  One solid night of sleep later, I feel rested and fresh.  This morning, there was no sore throat or other dryness related maladies that pop up this time of the year when furnaces roar back to life.  My house is warm and moist like a brownie fresh from the oven (which I think means I deserve a brownie for breakfast.  That's a thing, right?).

• Peace Wreaths & Synchronicity:  Yesterday morning, I was grumpy and petulant (it was before I'd discovered the joy of the humidifier and dewey mornings).  On the way to work, I was talking to my friend Sandy (who as I've already mentioned, I know from way back in Madison days, we chat most every morning about life, secrets of the universe, skin care and other important things).  She mentioned that my birthday is coming up, and that I was hard to shop for (I am, due to: many strong and fickle opinions).  But I'd actually just been thinking the last week, following the tragedy in Paris, that I had seen a few wreaths here and there the last time I was in Madison that were shaped like peace signs, made of dried grapevines.  I'm not normally a wreath person, but there was something about the unexpected simplicity of them that I thought was lovely.  I was describing it to her, and saying that I'd actually really like to hang one on my door this holiday season when the world seems so lacking in peace, when she said, "Yeah, this is a thing.  I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday, and I bought that exact wreath - it's sitting on the table right in front of me."  It was a freakish and fantastic moment of synchronicity and connection and apparently I'm getting a new wreath for my birthday.  I love all those things.

Finally, this song was used during a sex scene on one of the recent episodes of How to Get Away with Murder (I can never decide if that's the best or worst show on TV).  It's called Indian Summer, which I think is interesting because to me it sounds like flowers blooming in the spring - it's wordless and textured and I've been listening to it obsessively this week, which is making my life better.

Starting today...we're going to be a lot happier

Thanks to the invitation to long time friend, fellow raconteur and all around revolutionary thinker, Mark for inviting me to be a part of this project. Maybe it ends up that Mark and I are the only two that get happier for focusing on at least three things we can be jubilant about each day--but hopefully we can expand the number of authors for this here life jubilee and maybe put a dent in the rampant cynicism of our country. Maybe you get some joy out of this and we create a better, more jubilant world.

Its not that there aren't horrible things in the world that deserve reflection, consideration, and the like. There are; but right here, in this blog spot its about the things we're jubilant about, excited about. Consider it an online version of the Danish concept of hygge.

Today is my first post and couldn't come at a better time, because all I really want to do is bitch about all the wrong I've felt and the world has seen in the last couple weeks, but instead...

1. I'm thankful for the Danish. They've got the concept of hygge, which we all need in our life. An opportunity to come together and to talk about nothing that would anger others, some time carved out on a routine basis to connect as humans without labels or fears or all those things we all fear from our crazy uncle or racist aunt at Thanksgiving. Thanks Danes! Also, I'm enjoying reading about the way Danes raise their kid which brings me to...

2. WE'RE HAVING A BABY! I mean that's pretty awesome. You should meet my wife, she's the most incredible person I've ever met and I'm so glad we're together and that she's having a baby, our baby. OMG!!

3. Brian Fallon. Have you heard his amazing voice as the lead man of the Gaslight Anthem or the Horrible Crowes? He's also going solo and for the last year or so he and his band mates have been helping me to power through a lot of bull shit. Rock and roll is alive and well and even before Ryan Adams recorded all those Taylor Swift songs (that will be something I'm certainly thankful for on another day), Fallon and the Horrible Crowes covered Katie Perry's Teenage Dreams--and its f*cking beautiful.

Mark said we were only supposed write three things, but you know what, here's #4. There's some incredible pop music out there right now and as a recovering music snob, I'm no longer afraid to admit it. So here's to you Taylor Swift, Katie Perry, and One Direction.

Monday, November 23rd - Thanksgiving Week

• Saturday night was dinner with my Spitfire people - Lisa & Rory, Michael & Steve, Beth & Rich.  It was a meal at the Tabard that was lovely and grown up and good so see all those faces together.  They aren't quite old friends yet - but there's a lot of history there, and someday will be.  I'm lucky to have had Spitfire in my life.

• Saturday morning was an impromptu trip to Good Will with my friend Scott, which became a "fake day date."  The errand turned into brunch with Jen, Kenton & baby Zetta, who is suddenly much more little girl than baby. We had bloody marys, and then another couple rounds of drinks and appetizers at Union Market, and laughed.  The Scott and I rolled on for a couple more drinks at the Standard.  It was a fun day, mixing new and old friends in a new combination.   It was a perfect fall Saturday.

• Friday, I spent hours cleaning and organizing my closets.  It was the perfect way to spend the fall day - I didn't feel that well, and didn't want to be out in the world, but also didn't want to waste the day.  I love the way the house feels when it's clean - like, actual clean where things are organized and thoughtfully arranged.  It resulted in several bags for Good Will that got a lot of old unused things out of the house, and hopefully headed to new owners who will love them.  I'm thankful to have the time and space in my life to do that kind of work, which is a whole new way of living.

• Sunday afternoon, I met Jeff for a date at the Portrait Gallery.  He's a friend of a friend, who's got an easy way about him.  He wore a great, weathered leather jacket that is stylish, but has also seen some miles.  I'm not sure how old he is, but I'm guessing it's somewhere 5-10 years older than me...he has a gentle, calm air about him.  We wandered the galleries and leisurely chatted, looking at art, and then had a glass of wine in the courtyard as the sun went down and the light got dark.  We hovered near each other, getting closer and closer as we wandered and looked at the art, without touching.  When we left the museum, we made an impromptu decision to go to the theater next door for Hunger Games.  Shortly into the movie, we shared the arm rest, and out arms rested against one another. Gradually they got closer till our hands were touching.  Then, during a stressful scene, I grabbed (and then gripped, like a crazy person), his thigh, where my hand rested until his fingers entwined with mine.  Later we shared a cab home, and a quick good night kiss in the backseat.  It was a lovely grown up date, that was also modest enough that it reminded me of a high school date.  It's funny how things go full circle like that.  

Friday, November 20th, 2015

Chilly fall morning, cozy gratitude

• TGIT - It's not high brow.  Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder are full on guilty pleasures.  But, they're delicious and satisfying in the same way that salty nachos or shopping at a big box store is.  Great in their mass-produced way.  God Bless Shonda Rhimes.  It was also cool in last night's episodes that a Republican character fillibustered to support Planned Parenthood, and a prime time lead actress had an abortion on Scandal.  And on HTGAWM, there's a sero-discordant same-sex couple mixed in with the rest of the hot cast.  Thursday night may just be the most subversive night of mainstream tv out there.

• Pho 14's delivery has become my staple this fall.  It's warm, and healthy and fresh tasting.  Last night, I didn't feel well, and the giant steaming bowl of Pho was the perfect pairing with TGIT.  I'm grateful for my cozy little house, and these extra little creature comforts that are pretty great.

• Time.  After five years in a job where every minute was accounted for - I'm so grateful to have the breathing room of this current job, that gives me all the extra minutes I want.  It's not perfect, but the gift of extra time is pretty super fantastic.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

I can't bloody believe it's almost December again.

• There's this guy Ben in DC - he's a friend of a friend, we're casual acquaintances and Facebook friends.  He's got an interesting lens on the world, and frequently posts interesting things.  Today, he posted a quote, "the opposite of drunk isn't sobriety, it's connection."  I thought of that tonight when I got home from wine with Lisa and our former client David - between the three of us, we put away a coupla bottles of wine.  Happy hour was fun, but that sugar crash of sobriety mixed with the empty house tonight got me stirred up a bit.  That quote helped me keep my wits about me, and remember that in that moment, what I really wanted, was connection.  

• Which brings me to my next point: I'm grateful for my bathtub and my warm bathrobe.

• This afternoon, I also snuck out of work early to see my Spitfire crew - specifically to have cupcakes and celebrate Dennis's birthday and final day of chemo.  I'm grateful that those people are part of my tribe.  It was good to see them and there smart, smiling faces.  

• Dennis and Kevin are doing their best with a tough road.  I'm grateful that DC has a medical marijuana law that seems to be bringing Dennis some specific relief as the pain of his treatments builds.  And I'm grateful that he has time during this fall to rest and be cozy and heal.  I really hope this chapter resolves itself for him quickly and happily.

If I Die.

The attacks in Paris are a near constant reminder this week of our fragility in general, and of the particular vulnerability of living in a capital city.  Without indulging too much in the macabre or maudlin, there are a few things I'd like known should anything unseemly suddenly cap this adventure.

At 38 and eleven twelfths, I've led a mostly lucky life.  I've never wanted for food or security or a place in the world in the way that most terrorists seem to.  It doesn't mean in any way that I condone their approach, but at least I understand the differences in our experiences.  Don't spend much more time on them - they're broken and are choosing to break others.  They're not worth the pain they cause.

My family and friends have been a constant in this life - and I will be forever grateful.  At her 90th birthday, my Grandmere gave a toast, and said "In this room there are family who are friends, and friends who are family - I'm lucky to have both."  Me too.  I suspect, and hope, that in the event of a tragedy it will be the faces of many loved ones that I'll be thinking about.  

Please, someone feed my kitties, and give them a good home.  Gus (Guster) is a little bit of a biter, but it's just because he's a boy and has a lot of playful energy.  He loves to take naps and cuddle in the afternoons, which is pretty much the entire reason I decided to get cats.  Zuzu is sweet and skittish, but is also crafty and a constant watcher.  

To whomever cleans out my house - I apologize in advance that it's not cleaner or more organized.  Take what you like, and please know that from the great beyond, I will appreciate any efforts made to keep as much as possible from going into landfills, and instead going to people who will love and use these things that have been mine for a while.

As for my actual human remains: I don't like cemeteries.  Life and our time here is temporary, but once you put someone in a box in the ground, they seem to have claim to that spot forever - or at least, for an outsized portion of time compared to our lives.  I'd prefer to be cremated.  I'll leave it to my family to decide where to spread my ashes - though I'd be partial to water somewhere.  Maybe the Old Graue Mill near my house where we grew up, or Lake Michigan, or a sparkling bit of ocean somewhere.  Also, none of that open casket business.  I don't want someone doing my hair and make up - unless it's a full on drag queen (in which case: have at it, ladies).

The big lessons of my life are eluding me right now, as I sit here at my desk...typing in the middle of the day.  I know that there should be more words in the English language for "Thank you." I tried to find the right balance between work and play - and working while playing - but it's a slippery bugger of a question.  I'm grateful to have mostly had work that in some way helped (I hope) make the world better, and introduced me to some of my dearest friends.  To date, I haven't found a relationship that's lasted, but I have loved and been loved by some great men - that's no small thing.  My parents, grandparents, and an extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins and siblings have always made me feel cherished, and I hope I've returned that affection in good faith - you're a good bunch.   My friends, far and wide, have been among the great joys of my life - thanks for the laughs, the smart talking, the dancing, the shared beers, the occasionally yelling, and - as Josh Ritter says "the joy in the joyful and the laughter in the grief."  All of it.

The last word: I have long maintained that if my time comes before that of most of my friends and family, I would do my absolute best to be a world-class haunter.  I plan to keep my word on that.  Please know that when you hear the door slam in the middle of the night that scares you half-to-death (or any similar ghostly shenanigans, for that matter), and brings forth a flight-or-fight style scream...it's just me sending my love and having a laugh at your expense from Over Yonder.

Be and do good - as much as you can.  Try not to hurt anyone.  Hope you fall in love.  Say thank you, and always bless people when they sneeze.  

That's really it.  No regrets worth mentioning.  Cheers. Thanks, and MWAH, M.

Tuesday Morning - Once and Again

And today, a return to writing...

• I'm grateful for this weekend in Rehoboth with Ryan.  It was easy and comfortable and full of movies and the best damned pumpkin cheesecake at Kindle that I can remember. Also, John's house is amazing and he's so, so, generous with it.

• I'm grateful for the peaceful sense of ease that is present so much lately.  It's not that everything's perfect, but generally, there's a lot of times in the day where I just feel good.  I'm grateful to have found a bulletin board and file for over my desk to make the bunker better.

• I'm grateful for acupuncture last night and the time just before waking up this morning that were rich with dreams and images that were happy and deep.

• I'm grateful for Sandy, who said, "I don't want you meeting the man of your dreams, the showing him this blog and seeing what I'm grateful for."

Monday Morning, November 2, 2015. A new month and fresh start.

Today, I'm grateful that last night I was wanting someone to say good night to, and then out of nowhere, Ryan texted me the most unflattering picture of my own goddamned taint from MAMP that could possibly exist.  I'm grateful for him being my person generally, but right now in particular.

I'm grateful for my walk with Margot, which was a perfect way to start Sunday.  Which then led to a great day at spa world with Scott, and new friend Jeff (who is cute); followed by unplanned sushi with Jason.  For the first day of the month, it was sort of the perfect way to set intention - which is to spend quality time with old friends, intentionally make some new friends and broaden my circles a bit, and also take care of myself.  

I'm grateful for the time and energy to create, and be creative, and that I have a job and a role that's letting me find ways to live more of my life.  And I'm grateful for Nanowrimo (and maybe Digiwrimo, for encouraging me to get writing again.